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me |
I'm chilling!!!!
At
this very moment, listening to the raindrops dance on the cars outside my window
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| Bah Humbug |
| 12.24.04 (5:17 pm) [edit] |
Certainly not the most original of titles but whatever ...
Any whoo ...I'm sitting here hoping that my Latitude D505 (the D standing for DISSHI*KEEPSLOCKINGUP) doesn't freeze and force me to do a hard boot ... I've called Dell 3 times and finally got them to agree to send me another stick of memory. Hopefully - it will work. I need this laptop to function properly as it is the integral part of my grand scheme at the JO. Operation "Pitch the PC"! Sick of my desktop ... and want a new toy!
Not feeling much in the Christmas spirit. [b]YIKES[/b] It almost did it again ...friggin Dell piece of shi* ...gonna throw... stewpid just ridiculous ..oh! It's okay now ...
As I was saying - I'm not in the Christmas spirit at all. There's no tree, no presents, no lights, no fake snow sprayed on the windows, no cards, no bows, no sugar cookies on a plate next to the fireplace. I'm not even watching the 24 hour[i] 'A CHRISTMAS STORY'[/i] marathon on tbs.
The last few months of my single motherhood have been pretty challenging for me ....As I've stated before (have I stated it?) I don't believe that I can do this alone much longer.
First of all, this is not the way God intended parenthood to go anyway!
Secondly, why am I doing it alone? I mean is it because I want to? (HELL NAW) or is it because I have shouldered the responsbility automatically never requesting/demanding any type of assistance?
Thirdly, (is that a word?) - my boys need balance too much mommy and very little daddy ... pisses mommy the fugg off and robs the boys of perspective.
I know that I can't force a man to be a man ... but I feel the urge to at least present the opportunity., right?
So we are definitely parting company this summer - they are NOT going to my parent's house...they are going to the OTHER parent's house ...
I say all of this to say that my kids have really tested my resolve this year. The one thing that I've always been proud of - is their behaviour. If they aren't going to be Nobel Prize winning whatevers at least they will be respectful and kind. Now it seems as if I'm failing at accomplishing ... that.
After putting so much emphasis on this - to hear the teachers tell me that not only are they disruptive (talking during class or having tamptrums) they are discourteous - aaaaaaargh. It's just an awful feeling ...
So in honor of their behav or MISbehaviour this past year - I am giving them exactly what they deserve for Christmas. Absolutely nothing.
Surprisingly enough - it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Especially since - they have been true to current form for the past few days....UGH!
Oooh ..willy Wonka is on ... can't miss that!
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posted by: eka00 (reply)
post date: 12.24.04 (6:27 pm)
You're doing a wonderful job, I'm sure. It's not easy raising kids, what more two boys! That's like Whoa! You'll need ten arms and three brains to do that alone and be satisfied.
I wish I could be more like you though, to know when and how to ask for help when I need it.
Merry Christmas, :-) hehe....I know you're not in the mood, nejther am I...but we can still wish eachother right....
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