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me |
I'm chilling!!!!
At
this very moment, listening to the raindrops dance on the cars outside my window
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| More of the Same |
| 12.30.04 (6:54 pm) [edit] |
Question is ... will I be sitting here on New Year's Eve eve 2005...wishing I'd done more..
I've completely wasted this past year of my life - as per usual - I talk the talk ...but when it comes to walking the walking ...I'm under my bed looking for a clean pair of socks.
Also, I've never been a resolver ...as i lack the resolve to resolve ... in other words - I lack follow through - that sticktoit-ness!
If I decided to ... no ... I if DID what is on my mind, and in my heart - how would that affect my boys?
I've operated in the mindset that I need to be the stable rock solid influence in their life. Trynna make up for the lack of father figure ... but somewhere in the shuffle - I ignored that nagging lil bi'atch named Kendall! I've put off what I want to do because I didn't want to take any time, energy, or money from them.
The result - I am pretty much miserable, frustrated, easily aggravated and broke.
In the midst of trynna be what I thought was best for all -
I lost sight of the truth ... which is - my health and happiness are integral parts of my maintaining a strong successful familial unit.
Just random thoughts as I sit here putting the finishing touches on a website that I've created for a friend of mine who has oodles of "justdothadamnthing" a.k.a. motivation/follow through!
*SIGH*
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| Butterflies |
| 12.25.04 (7:00 pm) [edit] |
Everytime I talk to you - my stomach does flips. I envision what you must look like on the other end of the phone. Doing so is a bit challenging as I haven't had much time to memorize your face - yet!
It's in your voice, the words you use, the questions you ask - the answers you pull out of me ...
We spoke of intimidation and desire... trust and communication.
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| maybe i need to take a chapter |
| 12.25.04 (4:57 am) [edit] |
from this guys' book!
[i]HOUSTON, Texas (AP) -- -- The kids were naughty, Dad put the presents on eBay instead of under the tree -- and Mom's been crying ever since.
Now, even the tree's down.
Saturday morning was sure not to be very jolly for three brothers -- 9, 11 and 15 -- who didn't straighten up when their father told them Santa wasn't too please with their fighting, cuss words and obscene gestures.
Dad and Mom had warned their sons that the Nintendo DS video system -- and the three games that go with it -- were headed for the auction block if they didn't get their act together.
"No kidding. Three undeserving boys have crossed the line. Tonight we sat down and showed them what they WILL NOT get for Christmas this year. I'll be taking the tree down tomorrow," the man announced in his eBay posting.
"If you don't buy them, we'll return them to the store," the seller known online as magumbo--2000 reported on the site.
Thursday night, the auction wound down with bidding at $465.01 -- below the price the man had set. He said he would probably list the items again.
A single day of particularly bad behavior set the Christmas crackdown in motion.
"These are normally really good kids," said Dad, who asked the Houston Chronicle not to reveal his name.
Naugty kids forewarned
Dad even admits he and Mom are partly to blame for being too lax at times.
But enough was enough. The warning of an impending sale came earlier in the week at a sit-down between offspring and parents.
"We told them they were destroying each other and the calm and peace in the household. It had to stop," said the man, who did tell the paper that he works as an information technology specialist and lives in Pasadena.
The boys pledged to be nice, but were back to their old ways the next morning.
That night, Dad announced that he would indeed be putting $700 in video games up for sale on eBay. The oldest boy double-dared his dad to make good on his word.
Son shouldn't have done that.
Dad said Mom has been in tears since the showdown.
"I don't do it outwardly," he said, "but I'm crying on the inside."[/i]
Why didn't I think of that ...
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| Locked Up |
| 12.24.04 (6:15 pm) [edit] |
Nothing worse than having your 'puter put you on lock just when you realize that you didn't save that document you've beem typing for that last 35 minutes...
fuuuuuuuuuuugggg!
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| Bah Humbug |
| 12.24.04 (5:17 pm) [edit] |
Certainly not the most original of titles but whatever ...
Any whoo ...I'm sitting here hoping that my Latitude D505 (the D standing for DISSHI*KEEPSLOCKINGUP) doesn't freeze and force me to do a hard boot ... I've called Dell 3 times and finally got them to agree to send me another stick of memory. Hopefully - it will work. I need this laptop to function properly as it is the integral part of my grand scheme at the JO. Operation "Pitch the PC"! Sick of my desktop ... and want a new toy!
Not feeling much in the Christmas spirit. [b]YIKES[/b] It almost did it again ...friggin Dell piece of shi* ...gonna throw... stewpid just ridiculous ..oh! It's okay now ...
As I was saying - I'm not in the Christmas spirit at all. There's no tree, no presents, no lights, no fake snow sprayed on the windows, no cards, no bows, no sugar cookies on a plate next to the fireplace. I'm not even watching the 24 hour[i] 'A CHRISTMAS STORY'[/i] marathon on tbs.
The last few months of my single motherhood have been pretty challenging for me ....As I've stated before (have I stated it?) I don't believe that I can do this alone much longer.
First of all, this is not the way God intended parenthood to go anyway!
Secondly, why am I doing it alone? I mean is it because I want to? (HELL NAW) or is it because I have shouldered the responsbility automatically never requesting/demanding any type of assistance?
Thirdly, (is that a word?) - my boys need balance too much mommy and very little daddy ... pisses mommy the fugg off and robs the boys of perspective.
I know that I can't force a man to be a man ... but I feel the urge to at least present the opportunity., right?
So we are definitely parting company this summer - they are NOT going to my parent's house...they are going to the OTHER parent's house ...
I say all of this to say that my kids have really tested my resolve this year. The one thing that I've always been proud of - is their behaviour. If they aren't going to be Nobel Prize winning whatevers at least they will be respectful and kind. Now it seems as if I'm failing at accomplishing ... that.
After putting so much emphasis on this - to hear the teachers tell me that not only are they disruptive (talking during class or having tamptrums) they are discourteous - aaaaaaargh. It's just an awful feeling ...
So in honor of their behav or MISbehaviour this past year - I am giving them exactly what they deserve for Christmas. Absolutely nothing.
Surprisingly enough - it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Especially since - they have been true to current form for the past few days....UGH!
Oooh ..willy Wonka is on ... can't miss that!
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| Coach Spunck |
| 12.13.04 (5:32 pm) [edit] |
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My son's basketball coach's name is Coach Spunck....
SPUNCK ...
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| Diarrhea of the ...MIND |
| 12.12.04 (6:04 pm) [edit] |
It's been a very long time since I put anything about [url=http://www.tblog.com/template...]HIM[/url].
Part of the reason is my sister reads this ... and I told her that I am no longer dealing with him anymore. I want to put her mind at ease...
Part of the reason is because I'm tired of repeating myself over and over again.
Part of the reason is my readers ... I'm actually concerned about what one man that reads this frequently/occassionally may think.
Let's see - we are spending much less time together ... that may seem like progress but honestly, it just means that we cherish the time we spend together more than ever.
He is still in my heart - and I fear he will be there, period.
I know this 'nadaship' will be ending soon ... surely, something has got to give- right?
My question is why hasn't it ... given already.
In any case, I'm exhausted. G'night!
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| Too much sex... |
| 12.12.04 (5:48 pm) [edit] |
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So now that the . has started.
I am officially asexual AND irritated by anyone who brings up the topic (especially after being told - I am cramping dude ...so not in the mood to even think 'penile-y' wait, isn't penile a word used to describe a correctional facility?) BUT I DIGRESS
On the phone tonight with an old friend of mine ...and this dude was informed of my 'condition' but proceeded to try to get a straight answer about why he can't get it again ...just once!
To be honest folks - it has been so long since I had this dude ...I don't even remember the experience. I remember his reaction afterwards (awe) but not mine ....I am completely befuddled.
Knowing me as I do, I can only assume this was either a pestering fugg (his constant begging wore me down), a tie me over fugg (batteries in the B.O.B. died and CB wasn't available), a curiosity fugg (new d*ck is always good to try), or a deadline fugg (. was due to start and feeling especially horned out) ...it had to be a situation .... he is NOT a person I've fantasized about being with ....he's just kewl people ...
I've told him several times that he ain't getting it again ...because:
1) I'm looking for a relationship (hey, this ALWAYS scares them)
2) I'm IN a relationship (what - technically I'm not but HE doesn't know that)
3) I'm just not interested in him that way anymore (bad move - "why I wasn't good/big/thick/long/hard/ etc; for you?")
4) I just don't remember the experience (stupid response - "that's alright - I'll work harder on 'it' this time)
Any advice folks ...how do I stop avoiding his calls, keep him as a guy friend with whom I can consult on all things male but make it clear beyond a shadow that my puss is something he'll never have again?
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| Quick Mental Note to Self |
| 12.12.04 (2:08 pm) [edit] |
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Today is December 12th, 2004.
My last . of 2004 started today. I've decided to switch from the Ring back to the Patch. I 'think' that the Ring is what was causing my horrible migraines - haven't had one since I removed it. So back to el patcho .. I will keep ME posted ....
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| So I'm 31 now... |
| 12.12.04 (10:48 am) [edit] |
Spent the best part of my evening with a group of friends - who in my most humble opinion - went out of their way to make certain that I had a ball on my (twin sister less) birthday! Awesome!
From Wise arriving at my hotel room with 3 pairs of boots, 3 different outfits, and the patience to waste time putting rollers in my head
To Dask… driving all the way from B’ham for me (and TOS) … was this the 1st road trip for the new ride?
To DJB – agreeing to transport us all (and arriving on time) … thanks for not peeling off when you saw all those blue lights heading your way ... I appreciate you looking out for me
To Rhys and Suga – thanks for arriving on time and being the fabulous ladies that you are … Rhys – thanks for the Ketel One and for refraining from headlocking Keith across the table …Suga – your hair is fly…and I wonder if your hairdresser can get mine to look like that should I decide to relax ….hmmmm.
To CSC – you walked in the place like ya owned it – can you teach me how to do that?
Thank you for hanging around – and for that candle …. Yum yum
To Misa – you came through! You came through! And stayed (sp?) longer than you were ‘sposed’ to … that paella was worth the money –eh? I’m just mad that I let it get taken away ..that should have been boxed up!
To Carrington – woo woo …every birthday girl needs a dose of grown man sexy … it was a pleasure ..thanks for being my eye candy ( you know that was you, right?)
To Str8 – thanks for coming through … it was great to lay eyes on you …but um… you seem to have forgotten the grapes and the fan … You get a pass this time
To Keith – now I see why you couldn’t let old girl go – if your relationship is anywhere near as good as how you two look together … you two have struck gold
(why does this blog entry feel like album liner notes? – YIKES!)
To Teddy/SD … ditto for you guys ….not the liner notes …but the looking good- good together thing …Thanks for my drinky drink …sent me over the edge .. must have been the plastic cup …WHOA
To Ivy … looking good in your P. Leather outfit … wudda never known..wudda never known …After battling 1.5 hours in traffic – you still came through …THANK YOU!
To Adub – you have to come earlier next time … it was hilarious seeing you put faces with words … like little flash bulbs going off left and right … thanks for making the stop on the way to Snellville!
I got phone calls/emails from just about everyone to whom I hope that I am important.
One quick little text message received at 2:30 in the morning ... it simply read "You looked good 2nite" ...
and that, ladies and gentlemen, capped my marvelous evening ....
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| Just here |
| 12.05.04 (4:28 am) [edit] |
Yesterday, my oldest son had his 1st basketball game.
So the game was held at [url=http://www.dekalb.public.lib....]Tobie Grant[/url] Rec Center which is located in the Scottsdale area of Dekalb County ... between N. Decatur and Ponce DeLeon.
[i]BACKGROUND[/i]: For the last 3 weeks, 2 days a week - I've been schlepping the boy to practice... I have to admit that I was a bit peeved that I'd paid my money and there were only 6 other boys on his team. I was also a bit perturbed because practice started at 8 PM! Add to the fact that I can't understand half of what the coach says ... He has the Decatur Dialect going on ... What's the Decatur Dialect (DD) you ask?
Take for example, the word "Christmas" ... in DD sounds like "Krima"
"Nothing" sounds like "Nun"
"I don't know" sounds like "I'own no"
"Practice is Wednesday at Eight" is "I'm not sure ...I can never understand what he is saying!!!!!"
SO MY POINT in the beginning - is if the game situation was on par with the practice and what I'd seen from the coach and other parent ...then UGH ...
Turns out that I was pleasantly surprised - naw .. I was BLOWN AWAY!!
The parking lot was full - In the gym, there were bleachers full of folk ... a schedule of games ... there were banners hanging ... people cheering. All in all, a tremendous show of support for the kids. I could tell my son was excited (and nervous - he was chewing on his necklace) ...
I am still less than thrilled with the coach - I have yet to see them do any defensive drills or anything remotely resembling actual plays - this was obvious the team was outscored by their opponent 18 - 0 in the first 2 minutes of the game ... YIKES!
But it is still early and now maybe he will see that he needs to step it up ....
There's a bigger issue here ... I will marinate on it a bit and post about it later on...
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